The day it started
by electric violinist
Summary: A very under prepared short story. Stendan
1. Chapter 1

If he were to tell the story, Ste would have said it started one bright Wednesday morning about a week before Christmas. Except, at the time, he hadn't really been thinking it was anything special. He'd been having breakfast with Peri when Sam had got back from her night shift and begun to moan.

She'd managed to get back into the force, but at least temporarily had been demoted to desk sergeant, stuck listening to minor crimes reported by people with too much time on their hands, taking notes and saying "We'll look into it," and "Thank you for your time, Mrs Williams, I'll see if anyone reports finding it." She was tired, as she often was, and bored, and was grumbling away about something or other.

"And he just stood there demanding to know where everyone was. He was so rude!"

"Yeah," said Ste as he munched at his cereal.

Sam didn't care whether she was being listened to. "He was probably something to do with the Kanes, but I told him I couldn't give out personal information. As if Martha wants him banging on her door, she's got enough to deal with as it is."

"Yeah," said Ste, again, though really he was too busy trying to hide his laughter at Peri's impression of her mother's grumbling face.

"And it was bloody good I didn't, he bloody threw everything off my desk and screamed. He was some nutter! I had to threaten to have him locked up to make him leave! Some people!"

"Yeah," said Ste, but he was focusing on Peri. They'd smuggled her new top into her school bag, but there was always a chance, with Sam being who she was, that it the bag would be searched. "Well, I better get going, me," said Ste. "I want to open today. I've barely opened the place in months. People are gonna think we're closed forever. Er, you want me to walk you in, Peri?"

He gave her a look that meant 'Agree so we can go now.' She caught on.

"Yeah!" she said, "I'm ready!"

She wasn't. She had to run around finding things for another good ten minutes. So Ste was stood about trying not to think, exactly what he'd been trying to avoid, and would be trying to avoid all day.

He walked Peri to the school, where she managed to bully him in to agreeing to go and watch her Christmas show, by making them both stupidly late with silly arguments until he agreed. By the time he got to the deli it was gone ten.

Sandy Roscoe ambushed him at the door. "Ste, are you alright?" she demanded, without explanation.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he said, thoughts more on the lock he was tackling than her words.

"There was some bloke here earlier bashing on the door. I thought he must be crazy."

"Oh," said Ste.

"Must have really wanted that coffee, eh?"

"Yeah," said Ste, but it had sparked a weird feeling. Who might be bashing on his door? He hoped he hadn't got on the wrong side of Trevor again. He couldn't think of anything he might have done recently that could spark such fury. "Well, ta, Sandy."

"No problem," she said, "well I best get going, people to see."

"All right," Ste replied as she wondered off and finally got the deli open.

He ran around for a good few minutes getting things ready, turning things on, trying to get the deli up and ready for lunch time. The flow of customers was small, maybe even a trickle, but there were customers, so his mind was being used which meant he couldn't dwell on the day. Much.

He should go on the pull again tonight. Anything to stop himself being overwhelmed by the messy tide of misery ready to consume him.

Tegan came in at about one. She had the baby with her.

"Hey, Ste, can I hide in here? There's some sort of fight out there and I don't want Rose getting sight of it."

Ste managed to stay his curiosity. Fights at the club and someone bashing on his door did suggest a Trevor related incident that he could do without. "She's only a baby, if you held her staring at a fight, she couldn't figure out what it was."

"OK!" said Tegan, with annoyance, "so it was me that got scared, alright? I was hoping to see Fraser about... something and then there's all this commotion and that doorman is having a fight with some great big hair bloke."

"What about?" asked Ste, curiously.

"Oh, I don't know," Tegan said, "I didn't stick around long enough to find out, did I?"

"And what did you want to see Fraser about?" Ste asked, with even more curiosity.

"I just wanted a job. I've got to pay for nappies somehow," she replied, easily, "haven't I Rose?" she said, picking up the baby who was beginning to wake up groggily.

"Well, you could help me out if you want," said Ste.

Tegan's eyes flew up, "Er," she said.

"Yeah, you can start today if you want. I promised Peri I'd go see her show."

"Oh God," said Tegan, "Enjoy that!"

"What?" said Ste.

"A school Christmas show?" said Tegan. "It sounds awful! It was bad enough having to be in them when I was a kid! You wouldn't get me back there for love nor money!"

"Aw, but it's Peri!" Ste replied, knowing it was a whine.

"Yes, and I've seen Peri in some show or something every other month since she was born! Our Dad's a drama teacher, remember?"

"OK," said Ste, "but I never got that stuff, did I? Never had a little sister to make a fuss over."

The words should have been innocuous. They felt like poison to say. Would he have taken responsibility for something Peri had done? Would he have gone to prison for her or Tegan or Leela?

Tegan snorted, "I promise you, it's nothing to get over excited about. We spent most of our time arguing."

"Yeah, well I'd have taken it over my family, any day." Ste replied darkly. "Anyway, do you want the job or not?"

"Er, who'll look after Rose?" said Tegan.

"I dunno," said Ste, "who was gonna look after her when you wanted to work at the club?"

"Er, you?" said Tegan with a smirk.

"Er, no!" said Ste.

"Right, I'll ask Mum," said Tegan, with an eye roll. "I wonder if it's safe enough to venture out now."

"Well you won't know 'til you try," said Ste. "Now get lost, you're frightening mi customers away."

"Say 'Bye bye grumpy Uncle Ste,'" said Tegan to the baby, who naturally did nothing but screw up her face and clench and unclench her hands a bit more. Ste waved to her anyway, and watched them go with a small smile.

If he hadn't found the Lomax's he would have thrown himself of a bridge by now.

Food, customers, food, customers. He filled his brain, he filled his life. Tegan didn't come back, and Ste suspected she didn't want a job, or at least not at the deli. He closed early so he could get to the school.

The show was actually quite fun; despite the wide eyed look (quite similar to the ones Amy used to give him when he said something that embarrassed her) that Sam threw at him when he cheered Peri really loudly. Peri went bright pink. By the end of the show she was hiding her face. Ste still thought she was great, and rushed up to tell her so. He offered to buy the family some fish and chips to celebrate. She smiled weakly, and Ste assumed he was being really embarrassing. He kind of enjoyed that.

As he made his cheerful way to the chippy, one of the Roscoe boys stopped him.

"Hey, Ste," he said, "your mate Doug..."

Ste couldn't be bothered to correct the relationship status at the time of Doug's death.

"Did he have any relatives or something?"

What an idiot Ste thought. Aloud he said, "Yes, he did have relatives or something."

"No I mean... there was a bloke trying to get into the pub earlier, but what with Nancy and all that, it was closed so he wondered into the garage, and started asking about Doug."

"Oh," said Ste.

"Yeah, I knew who was talking about because he said about him working in the deli and living at the flats and mousy hair and all that. So I had to tell him. You know, about Doug being ... er..."

"Dead," Ste supplied, coldly.

"Yeah, I mean, did you tell all his relatives?"

Ste bristled. "Not that it's any of your business, but I told his Mum and I assumed she would tell anyone else. I had a few other things on my mind then you know."

"Sorry, mate..."

"And who do you think you are, telling people stuff like that about someone you didn't even know?!" Ste snapped, angrily. He was bloody protective of Doug. It was the least the young man deserved after the constant unrequited love he gave to ungrateful bastard Ste.

"Next time, mind your own business, yeah?" Ste snapped, and stormed off. He was very rude to the woman in the fish and chip shop, and stormed back to the Lomax's again, dumping the food on the table before announcing "I ain't hungry," and going to bed.

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

Leela watched her half-brother storm upstairs like a reject from the Jeremy Kyle show and rolled her eyes. It was so bloody like him, acting like the world was against him and he had nothing to look forward to. He had a whole family to spend time with and he was hiding away in his room.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed some chips. "I'm off," she announced to her family as they tucked in, "got a shift."

They called good bye as she went (except Ste, obviously, he was sulking like a two year old now) and made her way to work.

She was expecting a night in, getting bored and sleepy. Drunken accidents were rare on a Wednesday night, at least ones major enough to need Fire and Rescue. In fact they got a call quite soon after she got in. Some bloke seemed to be on the roof of a church, with a huge amount of alcohol.

They all shot off, ready to get the ladder out. Maybe send up a copper to talk him down. They arrived to find no police. She rolled her eyes internally. That wouldn't have happened if her Mum was still in charge.

They got the ladder out. And somehow it was Leela going up it. She didn't really mind. She did the job because she cared about it.

A man was indeed sat on the roof, drinking what seemed to be whiskey, and staring out into the Christmas lights around him. She coughed politely so he wouldn't jump when she arrived. He turned his head and looked her up and down before turning back to his staring. In the shadows of the night he looked alarming.

Leela took his action as an invite to keep talking.

"Sir?" she said, "Sir, my names Leela and I'm from Fire and Rescue."

He grunted but didn't reply.

"Can I ask your name, Sir?" she tried.

"Nope," he said, and took a swig from his bottle.

She didn't make anything of that. If she was interrupting a suicide attempt, she shouldn't expect to be welcomed with open arms.

"What are you doing up here, Sir?" she asked instead, creeping a little closer. There was no way she would be able to force him away from the ledge, but maybe the thought of accidentally taking a young girl with him might stop him jumping.

"Watching the stars, love," he replied, and Leela tried to place his accent, "I haven't seen them in a while."

"Well, you can see them just as well from the floor, you know," she said.

He snorted. "This your first time talking someone down from a roof?"

"Er, yeah," she said, assuming honesty was best.

"Hmm," he replied, "how do you think you're doing so far?"

"Er, I don't know," she replied, "are you going any closer to the edge?"

He smirked. "Direct, and to the point. I like that, Leela."

He took another swig as she said "Thanks."

"Is that short for something?" he asked.

"No, my parents are just Doctor Who fans," she replied. "Why did you really come here?"

He took a deep breath and another drink. Maybe none of them were swigs, because that time it was definitely more of a sip, like he was savouring the taste. "Why did you come here, Leela?"

"Well, I got a call that there was a man on the roof and as I rescue people for a living, I thought I should check it out."

He looked at her appreciatively, "Good for you," he said, quietly. Then he looked back out at his view.

"So, isn't it your turn now?" she prompted.

"Hmm," he said, "I'm here trying to decide if I want to carry on without him."

That sparked too many questions. Who was him? Why without him? What had he decided? She didn't know which to ask, so hoped he would elaborate.

"You ever felt like that, Leela?" he asked, "ever loved someone so much that you'd do anything for them, even if you weren't with them? That if anything happened to them your life would end?"

"No," she replied, honestly.

"No," he repeated. "Not many people get that. They think they want to fall in love. Think it's all romance and flowers and fucking holding hands on a pier. It ain't. It's fucking horrible"

"Tell me about him," said Leela. She had no idea if that was the right thing to say. She was hoping a copper would show up soon who could tell her the right things to say.

The man laughed. "I'd've taken a bullet for him. How can you describe someone like that?"

"You could start with his name," she suggested.

The man smiled, but Leela could see tears spring to his eyes and he choked out "Steven."

She nodded. "And what was he like as a person?"

"A fucking pain in my arse," said the man. "He turned me into the worst thing I could be."

"He doesn't sound worth dying for, then," she said.

"And the best thing in the world. He believed I could be good, even when he knew the worst. I hurt him more than I can forgive myself for, and still he forgave me."

"And what do you think he would say if he knew you were here?" Leela asked.

The man smiled, "He'd probably whine for a bit and then go off in a strop like a child."

Leela smiled and sat down next to the man. "Give us a bit," she said, pointing at the bottle. He looked at her, then at the bottle, then handed it over. She took a small sip, not enough to affect her judgement but enough to suggest companionship. She kind of felt the companionship anyway. He seemed like a nice guy. She smiled at him and put the bottle on the roof between them.

He sighed, "Sorry to bring you into this love, I should have just got it over with."

"No," she said.

"It's just, I've got this sister, and things could be about to go really bad for her. I can't leave her to deal with it alone."

"Then you need to get down safely for her, don't you?" Leela said, quietly. "She needs you."

"Hmm," said the man, "got any brothers or sisters?"

"Er, yeah," said Leela, "two sisters. And a brother. Sort of"

"Why a sort of brother?" said the man.

"Well, he's sort of… new," she explained.

"Baby?" he asked.

"No, my Dad's secret bastard. He's called Steven, actually. Everyone calls him Ste. He's a proper chavvy bastard." She looked over the country around them. It was beautiful.

It took her a while to notice that the man had gone silent. She looked at him and realised he was staring at her.

"What?" she said.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "That idiot in the garage told me Steven was dead. His flat's in pieces, his business was empty."

She realised what he was getting at. "Ste's living with us. His flats were blown up."

"So…"

"No, but his husband was called Doug, he's never mentioned anyone else…"

"Douglas?" said the man, with spite and fury unrivalled, "He went back to fucking Douglas?!"

"Er, shall we just check we're talking about the same person here, before we get all upset?" she suggested. "My brother's name is Steven Hay."

The man's face lost all its emotion. He breathed heavily for a few moments. "Steven's alive?" he said at length.

Leela nodded. "So you do mean him? Ste Hay?"

"Where is he?" asked the man.

"He's sulking like a child in my Mum and Dad's place," said Leela. "But… I don't … does he want to see you?"

She didn't know why she said it. But why wouldn't Ste mention some bloke like this unless he wanted to forget about him.

The man threw himself upwards, scrambling up the roof to the ladder, then scrambling down. "Where is he?" he shouted up at Leela as she followed at a more careful pace.

"I can't tell you that!" she cried. "I don't know who you are!"

"Call him!" ordered the man. "Call him now!"

"Why don't you?" she said, angrily.

"Because I haven't got a fucking phone!" he shouted, "call Steven!"

She got to the bottom of the ladder and the man looked wild. Her colleagues welcomed her down with smiles, and tried to offer the man a blanket. He threw it off and repeated "Call Steven!"

"Fine," she said, "and when he says you're some nutter you're not going back up there, right? Look the police are arriving."

And they were, finally. It would hopefully be enough to stop the man going back up to the roof. So she pulled out her phone. She called Ste first, but he rejected the call. She groaned, "He was having a big sulk about something, he's not picking up," she said.

"Then call someone who's there, get someone to talk to him! You said he was at your parents, call one of them!"

Leela looked around herself. This was probably an awful way to deal with this situation, and lots of people were now just watching them curiously. She found her home number and dialled it anyway. Her Dad picked up.

"Dad, it's Leela, is Ste there?" she said.

"He's gone to bed, sweetheart, bit like me."

"Get him up!" snapped the man, and Leela rolled her eyes.

"I've a got a man here who's convinced he knows Ste."

"Of course I fucking know Steven!" snapped the man with fury like a tempest.

"Could you ask him, maybe Dad?"

She heard her Dad sigh, "Alright, but you can explain the backlash," he said, and she heard him making his way up to Ste's bedroom. He knocked on the door and said "Ste?"

"What?" she heard Ste reply in the distance.

"Ste, will you answer the phone? Leela's got some nutter with her or something."

"What? Is like two a.m. Danny!"

"Tell him it's Brendan!" the man shouted.

Leela's Dad sighed, and said "He says his name's Brendan."

There was a silence on the line. Then the sound of feet pounding on the carpet. "What?" she heard Ste ask, "did you say Brendan?"

"Steven!" shouted Brendan.

"Bren?" Ste gasped, and then Brendan stole the phone from her grasp, and Leela could only hear Brendan's half.

"Steven, where are you? I'm coming to get you… Yes of course it's me… I've… look, we can't… Jesus, just shut up, Steven! Tell me where you are! … I'm not arguing with you Steven I just… What? Right."

He threw the phone back at her, and ran to a car.

"Oi!" she cried, "You can't drive you've been drinking!"

He stopped and stared at her. "He's got a family?" he asked, quietly.

"Yeah, sort of," she replied.

He looked like he had sudden doubts, but he didn't stop for long. He unlocked the car.

"Look, you can't just swan off!" she shouted, "there's incident reports and stuff…"

"Later!" he cried, jumping into his car. "Steven's alive!"

He drove off, swerving out of the church grounds like a mad man. He looked back at her colleagues. "Er, I know where he's going," she said.


	2. Early the next morning

**AN: Wow. Was not expecting such a response. I only decided to write that on the day I published it. So, felt a bit of pressure to get the next bit right. I think this is going to be a three-part story. It isn't the start of another mammoth work from me, and I'm sorry if it sounded like it would be. It's just a short story. A fix it – another way of getting Brendan back into Ste's life.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed chapter one. I hope you enjoy chapter 2.**

**Title: The Next Day.**

Ste was going mad. There was no way that it could have been Brendan on the phone. That was crazy. Brendan was not here. It was just a dream addled by the fact today was the anniversary of them getting together properly in Dublin. Brendan was not about to walk through that door.

So Ste opened it instead and looked out into the dark streets around him.

"Ste, what's going on?" asked Danny, who had followed him down from his bedroom with confusion, "who's Brendan?"

How was he supposed to explain Brendan to someone who'd never met him? How was he supposed to describe the way Brendan made him feel in words that someone normal could understand?

And of course, it wasn't true. Brendan couldn't be about to turn up here. This was a new world, a place of family ties where people ate dinner around a table and talked about how they felt sensibly instead of shouting and punching. Brendan wasn't a part of it. Brendan had chosen to not be a part of it. He couldn't be here.

So Ste ran down the steps. The chill of the air hit him like a steam train, but bothered him less than an ant on the floor. Where was Brendan? He had imagined it. He must have.

"Ste?" cried Danny, "what are you doing?"

Ste didn't answer, he was searching the dark streets, straining for the sound of the car. Danny was staring at him from the top of the steps, over the wall, but Ste could barely acknowledge his presence. The Dad he'd wanted all his life was somehow less important than Brendan.

"Well, come and wait inside, anyway!" Danny cried, "it's freezing out here!"

Ste didn't care. All that filled his head was Brendan, Brendan, Brendan.

"Right," said Danny when Ste stayed silent, "I'm getting you a coat and some shoes! You can't be out here like that, you'll get sick!"

He heard his father run back into the flat, but that was far less exciting than the sound of a car being driven madly. Too fast, the engine revving too hard. It swerved into the village, tires screaming at the strain, and Ste's heart was in his mouth. It screeched to a stop feet from Ste. Who couldn't move.

The driver had clearly had the same feeling. It had seemed so impossible that it could be Brendan. Ste had let Brendan go. Not easily, not voluntarily, but because if he'd had even a tiny hope for Brendan to return he would have sat in a stupor, not eating not sleeping, not noticing other people, just waiting for Brendan.

A man stepped out of the car. His face was in shadow to Ste, but he had a mess of dark hair around his whole head, he was dressed in a tracksuit and an ugly coat and he was staring at Ste, frozen to the spot. No one else had ever looked at Ste like that.

He ran at the figure who seemed to be shaking, but grabbed him in the second he was near enough. Strong arms pulled him close, closer, tight, tighter. He threw his own around Brendan's neck. It wasn't possible. Brendan was about to turn to mist before him, a nightmare, something!

"How?" Ste sobbed into Brendan's chest. "How are you here?"

"You're alive!" Brendan gasped, "Steven, you're alive!" Maybe he was like Ste, too overwhelmed to comprehend the situation.

"Ste?"

That was Ste's Dad. Ste didn't move away or even acknowledge him. He didn't know what he was going to say to Danny. Brendan didn't even seem to notice the new arrival. He seemed as glued to the spot as Ste was.

Ste broke down at that point. It wasn't fair that he could dream this and it seem so real. It wasn't fair that he had to look at Brendan, believe in Brendan then lose him all over again. Ste's tears began to pour down his face and his breathing was suddenly ten times more difficult.

"Ste?" Danny repeated, "what's going on?"

Brendan shifted slightly, but his grip on Ste didn't let up even the tiniest amount. It was almost bruising in its desperate tightness. "Steven?" he whispered.

"No, you bastard!" Ste sobbed.

"It's alright, Steven, I'm here."

"No you're not!" Ste sobbed.

"I am, Steven, I promise. Look at me."

One of Brendan's hands left his waist to land on his face which it pushed gently upwards. Ste clung tighter, but let his eyes lock to Brendan's.

They were the most beautiful thing in the world. Sad and blue and stunning. Sometimes Brendan's face was cold, empty of emotion, but Ste could always see it all in his eyes. The sadness, the hunger, the guilt, the want and the love. Even when Brendan was denying it so much Ste doubted his own eyes, the love was there. And the rage too.

And there they were, staring at him, as if the last nine months had never happened. "Oh God!" Ste groaned. He was lost. If this was a dream, he never intended to wake up. He kissed Brendan fiercely. Luckily Brendan kissed him back, because Ste was planning to stay locked at the lips until they died of asphyxiation.

Annoyingly, Danny seemed to have other plans.

"Er, Ste?" he said, "You need to explain. Is this the guy on the phone? Who is he?"

Brendan pulled away from the kiss, but pulled Ste back into his chest. "I'm Brendan," he said.

"Well, nice to meet you Brendan," said Danny with typical politeness, "but I'm afraid that doesn't really explain anything."

Ste stiffened. Would Brendan be upset by that? He had to explain.

"I haven't barely said your name since you went," he whispered. "It hurt too much."

Brendan clung even tighter, "I understand," he whispered. "It's OK. I said, didn't I? Nothing would ever change the way I feel about you."

Ste groaned. This was torture. He snogged Brendan again, needing more and more and for it to never end.

"Would you like to, er, come inside?" asked Danny, "you must be freezing out here."

Ste didn't want to let go. He might wake up if he let go. Brendan pulled him gently towards the steps anyway, keeping one arm still around him. Ste let himself be guided and climbed the steps with both hands still clinging to Brendan's clothes. Brendan smirked a bit as Danny pulled the door of his flat open for them, and Ste still kept hold, almost stopping them fitting through.

Brendan pulled them both over to a sofa and sat down. Ste was half in his lap.

"So… you're Ste's lover?"

Danny was still trying to understand something Ste could not explain.

"You could say that," said Brendan sardonically.

"So, you were together before Ste married Doug?"

Ste wondered if Brendan would be upset by the mention of Doug. He heard a definite hardening of the voice.

"And after. And during," he grumbled. "And above and beyond."

"Brendan's… the one I loved," Ste mumbled.

Danny stayed quiet for a while, thoughtful.

Brendan cleared his throat, awkwardly.

"So you're… you're Steven's father?"

"Yes," said Danny, still awkwardly, "we found each other a few months ago."

"And where the fuck have you been for the past twenty years?"

"Bren!" Ste scolded, but half-heartedly. Brendan's protectiveness still had the power to make him feel all warm inside.

"I've had this discussion with Ste already, Brendan," said Danny, defensively, "where have you been for the past however long?"

"In prison awaiting trial for a murder I didn't commit."

Ste's head snapped up. He hadn't really thought to wonder how Brendan was here. It was a dream, it hardly mattered, but he was curious what his brain had come up with. "You what?"

Brendan didn't look happy when he said, "My genius lawyer had some scientist prove that I couldn't have killed Seamus. The pattern of blood and residue from the gun in the club and on my clothes suggested that I was in front of him when he was shot from behind. I've been found not guilty."

Ste kissed him again. Then wanted to hit him.

Danny had folded his arms. It was with his own strange possessiveness that he said "So, Ste believed you were a murderer when you were innocent?"

Both Ste and Brendan stopped to stare at him. He was looking worried and slightly flushed, like he was on edge, but didn't look ashamed of his words.

"No," said Ste, "I know exactly what Brendan's capable of."

"I think this should wait 'til the morning," said Brendan, "I've got a hotel…"

"No! You're not leaving me!" cried Ste.

"Well, I was gonna invite ye…" said Brendan with another smirk. "We've got some catching up to do."

"Why don't you stay here, Brendan?" said Danny. "We can make up the sofa."

Ste decided his father was crazy. As if he was going to let a wall separate him and Brendan on his first night as a free man! He didn't move, nor let go. After a moment, Danny sighed.

"Or, wherever you want to sleep, I'm sure it's fine."

Ste wasn't sure if he felt better to get his father's permission to sleep with Brendan or if he felt deeply disturbed by the concept. No one except Amy had ever tried to interfere in his relationships before. Pauline had barely been bothered to comment on them when he was young.

"Well, thank you for your permission," sneered Brendan. "But I barely think Steven needs the blessing of someone who abandoned his child without even a Christmas card for twenty three years."

"How old are you?" Danny asked, suddenly, his voice challenging.

"I think we're going to bed now!" said Ste. "We'll talk in the morning, Dad."

He grabbed Brendan's hand and dragged him off. Even his dreams couldn't be simple. He shouldn't have to deal with weird stuff like this in his dreams, apparent jealousy between Brendan and Danny.

He dragged Brendan up to the room he was staying in. He was aware Peri was asleep next door, and Rose was in Tegan's room. He should be as silent as a mouse. He had never managed that with Brendan before.

He closed the door and within seconds had shoved Brendan against it. Brendan grasped at him again as Ste kissed him thoroughly, tasting every millimetre of his mouth, desperate to commit the feeling to his memory.

Brendan groaned with pleasure, and rasped out, "I expected you to want to talk."

"No chance!" Ste snapped, "It's my dream so we get to fuck."

Brendan smirked, "You think this is a dream?"

Ste thought this was going too slowly. He grabbed one of Brendan's hands and shoved it into his underpants and said "Course! If you were really here I'd be shouting at you for leaving me!"

Brendan's fingers wrapped around Ste as he sensually muttered "You sure about that?"

Ste groaned and kissed Brendan again. It did feel spectacularly incredible for a dream.

"Steven," Brendan whispered, "it's not a dream."

Ste groaned. He wished that were true. "What, do _you_ want to talk?" he breathed.

Brendan grunted, "Nine fucking months, Steven! Nine months without you, you think I'm gonna wait so we can talk?"

He stroked Ste with the perfect amount of pressure and Ste realised he was whimpering. Brendan was pushing him backwards, their lips joining again, until Brendan pushed him gently down onto the bed. He wrapped his legs around Brendan's hips, his arms still tangled around the gorgeous man. Brendan stood straight to pull off the rest of his clothing.

…xxx…xxx…xxx…xxx…

Danny didn't wait for Ste to get up in the morning. He had things to find out. He got up and dressed quickly, letting his family continue sleeping quietly, and went out.

He'd been thinking about Brendan. The gruff Irishman had been on his mind the entire night. It was obvious to anyone who had seen them, even for just a few minutes, that Ste and Brendan were very much in love, but if anything that brought up more questions than answers. Why hadn't Ste brought him up? Why had he not visited? Why did he only ever talk about Doug when he was looking sad?

Danny had heard Ste's whispered explanation. 'It hurt too much.' He didn't think he believed that. He wasn't sure he understood it. But he'd heard the threat in Brendan's voice, anger and jealousy of Danny. He was possessive. And he was far too old for Ste.

He made his way to John Paul's. Danny's young lover had told him about Ste before Danny had known his son. He must know about this Brendan, too. How long had he been in prison? Why had he been suspected? What was his and Ste's relationship about?

Danny knocked on the door of the McQueen's home. There was a bit of a clattering before the door opened and Theresa McQueen appeared. Danny's first thoughts on seeing her were that she must be freezing. He didn't know anyone else who thought such tiny shorts were a good idea in December.

"Hi," he greeted, his lie ready on his tongue "Is John Paul around? I need some help on something for school."

"No, I think he's gone out," Theresa replied, "but come in, I'll check."

"Thank you," Danny replied, about to decline before he realised John Paul wasn't the only person who knew Ste before he did. "Actually," he said, "maybe you could help me."

…xxx…xxx…xxx…

When he woke up in the morning to find Brendan watching him with adoration evident on his face, Ste realised he wasn't dreaming; he'd gone mad.

He decided to revel in it.

"Mornin'," he greeted, cheerfully, yawning, "I suppose you want some food now. Bacon or jam?"

Brendan's lip twitched to a smile. "You know me so well."

"You know, I don't know if they've got any seedless," said Ste with a sad smile of reminiscence.

"Then it best be bacon," said Brendan. "You convinced you're awake yet?"

Ste snorted, "Because you turned up, fucked my brains out and have been watching me sleep?"

"Hmm," said Brendan.

"No. You can't be here."

"Steven," Brendan sighed, "you can feel me, can't you? You can probably smell me too. Come on."

Ste narrowed his eyes. "So… you really are back?"

Brendan pushed Ste's hand against his naked chest, "Well, I could prove it by wondering into the kitchen with your half-sisters dressed like this and seeing how they react, would you like that?"

Ste smacked him not-so gently on the shoulder.

"Hey!" said Brendan, "what was that for?"

"Because you're an idiot!" snapped Ste.

"Why?"

"Because you left me, you idiot!"

"No! I tried to protect my sister did something to protect me that she should never have had to do!"

Ste smacked him again.

"Ow!" cried Brendan.

"And how well did that work out, eh?!" Ste demanded.

Brendan grumbled.

Ste didn't speak for a while. He was staring at Brendan like he was from another world. Both of them were lying on the bed, propped up on one elbow. Both were trying to sum the other up, work out what they were thinking.

Ste broke the silence, "So… are you staying? For good?"

Brendan shrugged, "If you want me."

"Of course I want ya!" Ste cried, suddenly furious, "but you can't just leave again, you know? It nearly killed me, you going."

"You think it's been a picnic for me?" Brendan interrupted.

"Well, you chose it, didn't ya?"

"I didn't… I was just trying to look after my sister."

"Well, you're still an idiot," Ste mumbled, burying his head into Brendan's side.

"Yeah," said Brendan, his arms pulling Ste close once more. "Yeah, I am."

They lay in silence once more. They considered not getting up that day.


	3. Early afternoon

**AN: Because what else is there to do at ten to four a.m. on Christmas day? Except, you know, sleep and stuff... Merry Christmas and thanks for reviewing so far!**

Ste stroked Brendan's chest hair. It was still as luxurious as he remembered; just thick enough to display Brendan's masculinity like a coat of armour, but not so much it hid the glory of the chest itself. The pale skin still starkly reminded him of Brendan's humanity, how breakable he was really; the way it flushed pink when they were alone together, the way it lit up red with Ste's scratches when they were both too far gone to care.

Brendan held him close. No one else had ever managed anything like this – providing this sense of strength and security without even needing to move. Just lying here like this with Brendan, away from the world and all the evil it contained, could make Ste feel like they were rulers of an empire. They owned each other, and while they were together nothing could hurt them. They would survive, they would always love each other, they would always be together.

"You don't need to go anywhere today, do you?" asked Brendan, voice laced with a tint of vulnerability that made Ste stop stoking the chest hair and instead circle the chest with his arms. He thought of the deli, sitting unopened again, he thought of the way he'd promised Tegan he'd look after Rose so she could do something or other, the fact he still hadn't done any Christmas shopping.

"No," he said, "I'm staying right here, with you."

Brendan nodded thankfully. Brendan never said, never would admit to anything of the sort, but Ste knew he needed Ste as desperately as Ste needed him. Without Ste he was an empty vase – brittle, fragile, cold. He needed Ste to make him strong and brave and all the other wonderful things he could be. Brendan didn't need words to say things like that. He used his arm around Ste's shoulders to pull him up into a kiss. It may have been meant as a peck, a gentle token of appreciation, but Ste took more. His tongue wanted to taste again, his hand craved the feel of the hair at the back of Brendan's neck, his leg wanted to clamber over Brendan's, to feel the weight of the man he loved engulfing him.

A soft knocking made him stop. It was followed by a voice that was not soft at all. It was urgent.

"Ste?" it said.

Ste pulled his lips away from Brendan's reluctantly. "What?" he asked his Dad.

"Ste, I need to talk to you!" Danny called through the door.

"Later!" Ste groaned.

"This can't wait, Ste!" his Dad said, firmly.

Brendan sighed, "It's OK," he said, "we've got the rest of our lives to catch up."

Ste narrowed his eyes, "I've thought that before!" he said, but wriggled off the bed anyway, shouting "Fine, give me a minute," to Danny, and dressed in the nearest tee-shirt and joggers he could find. Brendan pulled on his own tracksuit as he did and Ste's lip curled. "That don't look right you know," he told him.

"What?" said Brendan.

"You, in a tracksuit," Ste explained, "it's like a shark in a duck pond."

Brendan raised an eyebrow, "What, I'm a shark now?"

"You know what I mean!" Ste protested.

"Do I?" he smirked, "you, on the other hand, look sexy as hell like that."

Ste bit his lip.

"You know, I could never stop myself checking out your arse when you were dressed like that," Brendan continued, "even when we were furious with each other, even when I was trying to convince myself I hated you."

"So," said Ste, "this will be quite distracting then?" He bent over, pulling socks on, but taking far longer than he needed to, and letting his arse wriggle as he moved.

Brendan chuckled, "It'll be stuck in my head for a while," he said.

"Good," said Ste, "So no wondering off again, right?"

Brendan nodded, "I'll just go get a coffee or something," he said. He kissed Ste on the head. Then again on the lips. "See you," he said.

"Too right you will!" Ste told him.

"Too right I will," he echoed, kissing him once more.

"Ste?" Danny called.

"Alright!" Ste cried, "I'm coming!"

They left the bedroom together. Danny was stood outside, his stance strong, his arms folded and his expression stiffening at the sight of Brendan. Ste could see the tension in his father's body, and it was really annoying.

"I'll be back in half an hour," Brendan whispered, and strolled casually past Danny with a single nod.

"You better be!" Ste snapped after him, but looked at his father expectantly. He had some explaining to do.

…xxx…xxx…xxx…

Danny surveyed his son. This was going to be a difficult conversation. How did you start discussing something like this?

"So," he said, "coffee?"

"Yeah," said Ste. "Look I know it must be a shock, Brendan just showing up."

"Yeah," said Danny. It was a shock, but not as much as what he'd heard from Theresa and Carmel McQueen that morning.

"And I know you didn't know who he was," Ste continued, "and I should have mentioned him, but…"

"Why didn't you?" Danny asked. It was an important question. Ste had shared so much with them all, so openly. His grief over Doug, what happened with his Mum, exactly how he felt about growing up without a Dad. Why hide Brendan?

"It's difficult to explain," said Ste, "I mean… I just… love him so much, you know?"

"This the mysterious Brendan?" interrupted Leela.

"Yeah," said Ste with a smile, "how did you find him?"

"Er, now is not the best time, Leela," Danny told his daughter.

As usual, Leela didn't seem to hear, "Oh, he was contemplating throwing himself off the roof of a church," she said. "I think I've managed to shove it all under a carpet, but…"

"What?" cried Ste, just those few words obviously being enough to devastate him. "Why would he do that?"

"Because the idea of living without you was too much!" sneered Leela. "Why didn't you mention him, eh? With all your other Jeremy Kyle crap?"

"Oi!" Ste snapped, "Leave it out!"

"Aw," teased Leela, "is he off limits?"

"Oh, get lost!" Ste snapped at her.

"Ooo," she sneered with a grin, "touchy!"

"Whatever!" Ste grumbled.

"Well, I'm off out," sang Leela, "I'll keep an eye out for any more secret boyfriends!"

Ste rolled his eyes, and threw himself down sulkily on the sofa. Danny sat down next to him quietly, waiting for Leela to leave. He didn't need this conversation to have an audience. There was no way Ste would open up if he thought he was being judged.

"Sorry, Danny," Ste sighed, "you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah," Danny said, carefully, "look, I want to talk about Brendan."

"Yeah," Ste replied, "I know, when you first meet him he can be a bit… odd."

"Steven," Danny interrupted.

"But he is really a wonderful man, Danny! He hides it, right, because he's stupid, but if he likes you, he'd do anything for ya! You wouldn't believe the stuff he's done for me."

"Like hitting you?" Danny interrupted. He hadn't meant to shove it out there so angrily, and Ste did look like Danny had just smacked him in the face, but he couldn't handle this adoration for the man Theresa had described.

Ste's mouth had snapped shut. His eyes widened with shock, then narrowed in anger. "Who told you that?"

Danny didn't know if revealing his sources would make the accusation easier to rebuke. "Are you going to tell me he didn't?"

Ste pursed his lips, "No," he said.

Danny shut his eyes for a moment. He felt another wave of the sheer anger that Theresa's words had first awakened. He didn't know if he should be relieved that Ste hadn't tried to cover it up or furious that it was confirmed.

"We'll talk to Sam," he said, "you can get him arrested."

"What? No!" shouted Ste.

"Look I know it's hard, you think you love him, but Sam's told me about people like that! They don't just stop! They keep doing it, they just keep getting worse and worse!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Ste shouted.

"Then tell me!" Danny cried.

Ste breathed deeply, lost for words.

"Look, I know, this is my fault, isn't it?" said Danny. He knew it was, "I wasn't there, I let that… that bastard bring you up, and now you think that's normal…"

"No!" Ste cried, but Danny had been expecting that. He wasn't just going to admit to all this.

"But it's not, Ste," Danny continued, "it's not normal and it's not OK. No one has the right to hit you!"

"I know!" Ste shouted. Which wasn't what Danny was expecting. Sam had complained that all abused partners said the same, said it was their fault, that they wound up their partners, that he was just angry, it was a one off. "Look," Ste said, "I'm not some beaten wife! I'm not blind, I don't think he's something he isn't! I know exactly what Brendan is capable of."

He'd said that before. Danny wasn't sure he wanted to know what Brendan was capable of. "I can't just sit back and let him hurt you, Ste," said Danny.

Ste smiled, "Aw, you getting all protective of me now?"

That brought out a strange feeling in Danny, "Ste, I've always been protective of you."

Ste blinked sadly. "I know," he said, "But I'm a grown up, now. Brendan isn't Terry. There's a lot you don't know."

"Then tell me," Danny pleaded, "I want to understand."

Ste groaned, and rubbed his face. "He loves me."

Danny nodded, "So he says."

"No, I know he loves me!" snapped Ste, angrily, "he stood between me and a man with a gun!"

Danny had not expected that. He should probably have felt a rush of gratitude towards Brendan. Instead he felt a rush of fear for his son.

"Who pointed a gun at you?"

Ste's lip wobbled, "It don't matter," he said, "Brendan would have taken a bullet for me! Brendan would do anything for me!"

"But that doesn't mean you have to let him hurt you," said Danny.

"He's not going to!" said Ste, "look, there was more going on!"

"What?" Danny pushed, he needed the explanation.

Ste rubbed his head again, "Look, he hated himself every time he hurt me."

"That doesn't excuse it, Ste."

"I know that!" Ste snapped, "but … he wasn't the only one, right? I … I used to hit Amy."

Yet another thing Danny didn't want to know. Today was full of them. He found himself rationalising it. His son was not a criminal.

"That was different," he said.

"How?" cried Ste. "You weren't even there!"

"That was because of Terry. You were so young, all you knew was violence."

"I still did it!" Ste insisted.

"Because of what that animal did to you! It's nothing like Brendan!"

Ste smiled sadly. "Isn't it?"

Danny didn't answer. He knew another bomb shell was about to be dropped into his lap.

"Brendan's Dad didn't just beat him up. He called him 'Brenda' and said he was a girl. You think it was easy for Brendan to come out after all that?"

Danny started to interrupt, but stopped himself in shock.

"I know," said Ste, "you're not out are you? And I don't suppose you ever beat up John Paul. But that wasn't everything. Brendan's Dad raped him."

Danny could not find an answer to that.

"He'll probably be really angry I told ya," said Ste, "I mean, he took forever to tell me."

"Might he have…"

"He didn't lie!" Ste snapped, face newly hardened by the idea. "He would never make up something like that!"

Danny sighed, "Sorry, I didn't mean to … it's just a lot to take in."

"I know," said Ste. "But I'm not gonna throw him out. I just got him back. If you have a problem with him being here, I'm going with him."

"No," Danny protested, "No, you both should stay."

Ste smiled, "Thank you," he said, "You've got no idea what this means to me. Christmas with Brendan and my family? It's… amazing."

"Yeah," said Danny. "Better let Sam know there'll be one more for Christmas dinner, eh?"

"Thanks Dad," said Ste, and the word pulled at Danny's heart strings, and a little at his guilt. Because he didn't suddenly trust Brendan because of one sob story. He just wasn't going to let a proven abuser have free reign over his son.

…xxx…xxx…xxx…xxx…

Brendan made his way casually to the coffee shop. It was early afternoon, now, and people were wondering around for lunch. Steven's business was the focus of a few people, who were peering in expectantly. Maybe he'd only seen what he expected to see yesterday. The sight of Steven's home in pieces, the first place he'd ever felt safe and happy suddenly destroyed, had been enough to plant the idea. It had been the idiot in the garage's words that had made him believe it. Maybe he should go back and show him how wrong he was.

No, that was not going to help. He had a chance now, his first chance ever to be truly happy. He had Steven, Seamus was gone, his children were safe and well. He wanted so much to save Cheryl, but there was nothing he could do. It would eat away at him, knowing she was suffering for trying to care for him, but he had tried. She knew he loved her, and would do anything for her.

People looked at him curiously as he went into the familiar coffee shop. People he knew stared openly with shock. People he didn't spared him judgemental glances. The guy who seemed to think he owned the club gave a powerful glare, but it just made him smirk. He knew who would win a fight between them. It had already happened.

Blond male McQueen stared at him with surprise. He vaguely remembered he'd frightened brunette male McQueen off, though he may have returned when the news of Brendan's incarceration had spread. Or maybe not. Brendan was fucking scary when he wanted to be.

"Brendan," greeted John Paul, "when did you get out?"

Brendan wondered if he was supposed to do polite conversation right now, "Yesterday," he said.

"Right," said John Paul, nodding, "and er… you seen Ste?"

"Yep, and his sparkling new Daddy." He leant on the counter looking for service.

"Yeah," said John Paul, with a strange tint to his voice, "what do you think of him?"

"What's it to you, Blondie?" Brendan snapped. Mostly because he hadn't failed to notice the suspicious tone Danny had used for him.

"Oh, nothing, just… you know, curious," said John Paul, staring at him.

"What are you staring at?" Brendan growled.

"Nothing," said John Paul, "Just..."

"What, got a crush on me, Steven or Steven's Daddy?"

John Paul looked very flushed. Brendan realised his joke had hit a nerve. He gave John Paul his full attention.

"If you're after Steven, McQueen, we have a problem."

"No!" cried John Paul, "as if!"

Brendan did not like that tone. He took a menacing step towards John Paul.

"So it's Danny, is it?" he jeered, "isn't he old enough to be your Daddy?"

John Paul sniffed, "Because Ste's just the right age for you is he? Did he tell you how he and his Dad first met?"

"If you say one more word against Steven, I'll do something you will regret."

"I'm not saying anything against him, just that he's got a thing for older men! Like when he took his Dad home with him and tried to sleep with him!"

Brendan didn't hear much after that. The roaring in his ears drowned everything else out.

**AN; Yeah, ok 4 parts?**


	4. Chapter 4

"So, do you want spaghetti or lasagne?"

Ste was in his element: he was in the middle of cooking some beautiful Bolognese sauce, the smells filling the apartment, his father was looking out for him, but backing off and listening to him too, and Brendan was about to walk back in the door. Brendan who had spent the night in Ste's bedroom. Brendan who was back, with no Seamus to destroy them, who loved Ste and who Ste had dreamt about every night since they had met.

"Er, which is quicker?" asked Danny, "I'm starving."

"That'll be spaghetti," Ste replied with a smile, "get some out, will ya?"

Danny obeyed. He smiled at Ste kindly, but reservedly and Ste wondered if maybe he wasn't speaking too soon. Maybe Danny wasn't completely happy with the situation yet.

He got some water on the boil, ready for the pasta, stirred the pot of tomato and beef. His father stood next to him, putting the spaghetti on. Danny leant over the pot and took a sniff.

"Smells great!" he said, "My son, the chef."

"Hardly," Ste mumbled, even as his Dad patted him proudly on the back. He ducked his head, sure he'd be pink. He couldn't get used to someone being so consistently nice about him. Compliments all over the place. It was proper weird.

A cough behind him made him turn. Brendan stood in the doorway, the light behind him magnifying his power and his darkness.

Ste smiled. "Brendan," he sighed, and forgot the meal in favour of holding Brendan again. He threw his arms around his lover and kissed him deeply. Brendan put a hand on his waist and kissed back perfunctorily before pulling away and looking at Danny.

Ste thought he knew what that was about, "Don't worry. Danny got worried about something but we've talked it over and it's fine now."

Brendan looked back at him, but his expression was strangely unreadable. "Is that so?" he said.

Ste frowned, "What's the matter?"

"Why would something be the matter?" asked Brendan, "just you and your Daddy cooking some dinner."

"Well, it's like, one o'clock, innit?" Ste said with a smile, "You hungry?"

"Always," Brendan replied.

"Good," said Ste, kissing him on the lips once more. He went back to the dinner. He stirred the sauce, checked the pasta was boiling but not boiling over.

There was a silence between his father and boyfriend as he worked. Well, what would they say to each other? They had nothing in common besides Ste. Or did they? They'd both slept with John Paul, but then that wasn't something Ste wanted to think about. About either of them.

"So, do you have to go to work tomorrow?" Ste asked Danny.

"Er no, we're all finished for the holidays," said Danny.

"Great!" said Ste, "lucky for some, hey?"

"Yeah," said Danny, "unless you've got sixty reports to write before January!"

Ste made a face. That much writing did sound awful.

"Reports?" said Brendan.

"Yeah, Danny's a teacher," said Ste, with a smile, "can you believe my Dad is clever?"

"Is he?" said Brendan.

"I know, it's weird innit?" Ste replied with a smile at the pair of them. "My Dad, a teacher."

"Well, isn't that nice," said Brendan, "All that time with…. younger men."

Ste stopped stirring, "What, have you been talking to John Paul?" he gasped.

"Now, why would I do a thing like that?" said Brendan, coldly.

Ste's heart fluttered. Brendan wasn't about to tear the family apart, was he? Just over some weird jealousy or whatever over Danny? "Brendan! No one's supposed to know about them! You gotta keep it down, right? If Sam overhears…"

"Overhears what?" Brendan interrupted.

"You know what!" Ste hissed.

"No," said Brendan shaking his head, "what am I supposed to know that Mummy Sam shouldn't?"

"About Danny and John Paul, Brendan!" Steven snapped, "You keep your nose out! I've never had a family before and you're not gonna ruin it for me!"

Brendan looked at Ste rather than Danny for the first time in a while, "I didn't know anything about Danny and John Paul."

Ste glared at him, "Right, whatever, just keep your mouth shut!"

Brendan looked at Danny, "You hear that?" he said, "Steven wants me to keep quiet about you."

"He cares about this family," Danny said quietly.

"Is that so?" said Brendan. "Protecting his new… family."

"Yes," said Danny, quietly.

"Because it needs protecting from your little… secret, Danny?"

"Oh because you're so perfect!" Danny snapped, angrily.

"I never cheated on the love of my life," said Brendan, "never even looked at another person when we were together. He cheated a couple of times, but with me rather than on me, so they don't really count."

"Infidelity isn't the only way to hurt someone, Brendan!" said Danny, coldly,

"Enough!" shouted Steven, "No fighting! Honestly, you're like a pair of kids! You're worse than Leah and Lucas."

Danny stepped away from Brendan, "Sorry, Ste," he said.

"Yeah," said Brendan, stepping up to Ste, using a hand to push his chin towards him, "Sorry, Steven." He dipped his head to kiss Ste, then stayed close after he pulled away. "Well, I thought you were cooking us some lunch?" he said with a smirk. Probably because Ste's stupidly over-developed sense of arousal at Brendan's very existence was showing on his face. Ste assumed his face was bright red again, for a different reason this time, and turned back to the dinner.

Brendan stayed close, leaning in to smell the food, putting a hand on the small of Ste's back. Ste wondered if this was a display for Danny's sake. When he nearly burned himself by picking up the pasta at the wrong angle, he ordered Brendan away. Brendan raised an eyebrow, but obeyed after not so subtly squeezing Ste's arse. Ste glared, but with a smile that wouldn't quite go away. He was probably never going to be angry with Brendan again. Or at least not for a few days.

He dished up without further injury, and his father called the family around. Peri was out, Leela was at work, but Sam appeared bleary eyed from her night shift, and Tegan wondered in with a blinking baby Rose. Sam looked at Brendan with some suspicion, but Tegan smiled.

"You must be Brendan!" she said, "Leela was rabbiting on about you all last night."

"Really?" said Brendan, watching Ste placing a plate of pasta and sauce in front of him, "anything positive?"

"She said you were ready to end it all for our Ste," said Tegan with a smile, "made it sound dead romantic."

"Aw," said Brendan.

"I'm Tegan, by the way," Tegan told him with a smile.

"A pleasure," said Brendan with a smile, "and who's this lovely lady?"

"This is Rose, my daughter," Tegan replied, holding the baby's head up to look at Brendan, and cooed "Say hello Uncle Brendan, Rose."

The baby made a mewling noise. Tegan smiled and put her in her pram, and Ste couldn't help but grin. Uncle Brendan.

"Hey Rosy, darling," cooed Brendan with a grin. "She's gorgeous, isn't she?"

"Well, I think so," said Tegan with a smile.

"Takes after her Mum," said Danny proudly. "All my children are beautiful."

Brendan hummed quietly, looking at Danny steadily, as though he were reading him. He didn't comment.

They tucked into the food, Brendan didn't say much, but then it took a lot to come between Brendan and food. Tegan was complimentary, Sam was looking sleepy but seemed to enjoy it, and Danny was watching Brendan with suspicion. It wasn't comfortable.

"So, Sam's a police officer," said Danny, suddenly.

Brendan looked up, and said "Is that so?"

"Yeah, Detective Inspector," said Danny, "She's good at it too."

"Good," said Brendan.

Danny rolled some spaghetti round his fork, "She can recognise a criminal just by the way sit, sometimes."

"Er, I usually look at the evidence, actually," said Sam.

Brendan didn't seem to hear, he was too busy staring at Danny. "Good job we've got no criminals here, then."

"Really?" said Danny, "so you've never done anything against the law, Brendan? Never… hurt someone."

"Danny!" Ste snapped.

"What are you trying to say, Daniel?" Brendan growled, voice low and dangerous.

"I'm saying, Brendan, that I know what sort of man you are," said Danny, not backing down, "and Steven may have forgiven you, but I will be watching you. If you even think about hurting him again…"

"Danny!" Ste shouted, furious. It was one thing to ask Ste about this in private with worry, but quite another to confront Brendan in front of half the family.

"Because you're such a great person, are you?" growled Brendan, and Ste thought there was more anger in his voice than necessary. Why should he care about the affair so much that it made him radiate fury like this?

"Brendan!" Ste snapped.

"I've never beaten up someone I claimed to love!" hissed Danny.

Ste rolled his eyes. Why was he pushing Brendan to reveal the secret? Did he want to destroy his family? Was it only Ste that would be broken-hearted if he lost these wonderful people from his life? If Sam threw Danny out, none of them had reason to keep contact with Ste. Before Brendan could answer Ste shouted "Stop!"

Brendan looked at him with raised eyebrows, Danny looked annoyed.

"Danny, can I have a word?" Ste said, more calmly but in a voice he hoped would be heard as an order. He got up, and walked purposefully into the nearest room that he could close the door to. He turned on his father and snapped "What are you trying to do?!"

Danny looked at him darkly, "I'm letting him know he can't hurt you anymore!"

"He's not going to hurt me! He's the love of my life!" Ste hissed, "And even if he did, it's my business, not yours!"

"How can you say that?" Danny replied.

"It's my life!" Ste cried, "You need to back off! You have no idea what we've been through!"

Danny stepped forward, "I'm trying to protect you!" he said earnestly.

"That's not your job!" Ste argued, "You've got enough no your plate, Danny!"

Danny stepped back with surprise. "What does that mean?"

"John Paul!" Ste growled, feeling the fear that had been bubbling under the surface for months build up, "Brendan knows! How long do you think you're gonna keep it quiet?"

Danny's face quivered, "It won't come out!" he said, confidently.

"Well you can bet all the McQueens know!" said Ste, "so how many of your students do you think know now?"

"Ste!" said Danny, looking more hurt than upset, and Ste regretted everything he'd just said.

"Sorry!" he said, "I'm sorry, I'm just so scared."

Danny frowned with confusion, "Why scared?" he asked.

Ste wanted to hit him for missing the obvious, "Because when Sam throws you out, I lose everyone, don't I?"

Danny looked at him with wide eyes.

"You give me a home, and sisters and all these lovely people who love each other, and you're gonna throw it away!"

Tears were beginning to spring out of his eyes. He tried to push them back in by screwing his eyes closed.

"Steven," said Danny, urgently, "No one's throwing anything away."

Ste sobbed, "You are! You're going to destroy the family!"

"I'm not," Danny cried, "and even if they did find out, they wouldn't blame you!"

"They wouldn't want anything to do with me!" Ste cried. He hadn't realised how much the idea affected him until now. He'd got Brendan back, but he wanted this as well. He wanted this family, and he wanted Brendan to be a part of it. None of that could happen if Danny got caught out.

"They would, Ste," said Danny, "you're a part of this family! My daughters are your sisters and you are my son. Nothing's going to change that."

Ste didn't reply. He didn't know if he dared believe that. Nothing this good could ever happen to him. He wasn't going to be allowed to keep everyone. No way could he get to keep Brendan and the Lomaxs. He would blink and they'd all be gone again, and he'd be alone again.

Danny put a hand on his shoulder, "Steven, I promise you, we're not going anywhere!"

Ste nodded, desperate to believe.

"Come here," said Danny, pulling Ste into a hug. Ste hugged back. He had a father. His eight year old self would have given anything for this moment.

It was interrupted by Brendan, and not quietly. He dragged Danny off of Ste and threw him against a wall, hands on his neck. He looked ready to explode. "You keep your hands off him!" he shouted.

"Brendan!" Ste shouted. Why would Brendan have a problem with Ste hugging his own father?

Brendan didn't seem to hear. He shoved his hand further into Danny's neck. "I know all about people like you! Preying on people who look up to yas, using them for your perversions. Did Pauline know about that, eh? That why she kept you away?"

"What are you talking about?" Danny choked out in surprise.

Brendan's gripped seemed to tighten, "He's your son! What sort of disgusting, sick bastard …"

"Brendan!" Ste shouted. He threw himself between Brendan and his father, grabbed Brendan's face with his hands, "Brendan stop! What are you doing?!"

"He's not gonna hurt you, Steven! McQueen told me how you two met!" Brendan cried, his hands still clutching at Danny.

It clicked for Ste exactly what Brendan was saying, "God, he's not like that, Brendan! He's never touched me like that! He's not gonna either! He's my Dad, Brendan!"

"Like that means anything," growled Brendan, but his grip was loosening enough for Ste to push him away from his father.

"He's not a bad person, Brendan, I promise you. Brendan! The second he realised who I was, he left! He would never take advantage of me!"

Brendan was still staring at Danny, breath in gasps showing his distress. And Ste knew where it came from.

"He's not Seamus, Brendan."

His voice was quiet, almost too quiet to hear, but it had the effect he was after. Brendan's eyes flew to him, wide, terrified and childlike. He grasped Brendan's face, desperate to heal the open cracks of brokenness he could see there.

"It's ok, Brendan," Ste cooed, "It's OK, I'm here. I'm fine and I'm here. We've got each other back, Brendan."

Brendan still looked shocked and wide eyed. Ste pulled Brendan towards himself, wrapping his arms around Brendan's neck. He felt Brendan's arms grab at his waist, bury his head into his neck, and he whispered "I'm never going to give up on you, remember?"

"No!" shouted Danny, "No, he tried to strangle me, so you hug him? Can't you see how wrong this is Ste?"

Ste didn't listen. Brendan needed him; that was what mattered.

"Ste!" said Danny, "Ste? Can you see yourself?"

Ste kept hold of Brendan, and breathed deep, knowing what he had to do now, putting it off for a few more seconds. A few more. Pretending he could have both Brendan and the family he loved.

Danny wouldn't let him. "Ste, I want him out of my house!"

Ste closed his eyes. He nodded. "Fine," he said. "Give me ten minutes to pack a bag and we'll be gone."

He took Brendan's hand and led him to the bedroom. He grabbed a bag and shoved in clothes, ignoring his father's pleas, the questions from the women. This wasn't a choice. This was just the way it was.

Brendan ordered a taxi and they left. Ste couldn't look at anyone, not Brendan, not his family. He sat in the car, silent, then watched the rain fall hitting the window. He was right. He couldn't have it all. But at least he had Brendan.

**AN: OK, one more part?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Finally the final chapter. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed! Enjoy.**

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on, or am I gonna have to beat it out of you?"

Danny glanced up to see Sam wearing her determined face. He sighed. In some situations she was the most observant person he'd ever met, though she had a blindness for things she didn't want to know. She obviously wanted to know about Ste and Brendan.

"I told you, Brendan's a monster and Ste can't see it."

"Yeah, you said that and variations on that quite loudly quite a few times but you haven't actually said what makes him a monster."

Danny grunted. He suspected that, should he tell her what the McQueens had told him, Sam would agree with his actions. But she would want to know more and that could get complicated.

Sam sat down next to him, still looking at him with an expression Danny recognised as the one he used with the kids when he wanted them to tell him something. He wasn't going to be won over by a look like that.

Sam sighed, "Look," she said, "if he's some sort of criminal, we can do something about it!"

Danny grunted. He'd already made that offer to Ste. It was unlikely he had changed his mind. "I've got no proof," he said.

Sam didn't give up, "Ste could..."

"Ste won't say a word against him." Danny knew his voice was harsh. He felt bad about it but he couldn't change the fact.

"Right, so... is it possible, then," said Sam, carefully, "if Ste's so fond of him, that he's actually not a monster? That you got the wrong end of the stick?"

"No!" Danny cried, "He tried to strangle me!"

Sam's eyes widened, "Why?"

Danny bristled, "What, you think I must have provoked him?"

"Well, if you didn't, we need to get onto social services and a mental health doctor," said Sam.

Danny wondered if maybe that would be a good idea anyway, after what Steven had told him. The man obviously had more issues than he cared to deal with.

"Just leave it, Sam," he said, too tired and upset for politeness. "I'm going to bed," he announced, and left her sitting there looking slightly affronted. He supposed it wasn't like him to go off in a strop, so no wonder she was perturbed. Maybe Ste did get it from somewhere after all.

He slept poorly with terrifying images of Brendan beating Ste. Every time he closed his eyes, his mind came up with a new and more terrible act of violence that Brendan might be committing on Danny's son, and each time he awoke with a start until he gave up on sleep altogether and wondered down to the living room to watch the telly brainlessly instead.

The sun had barely broken into the sky when there was a quiet knock on the door. Danny glanced at it before he got up. Not many people were likely to knock at such a time: it was too early.

He went up to the door and looked through the peep hole. Brendan.

He opened the door. "What do you want?" He demanded with maximum rudeness.

Brendan was looking at the floor, hands deep in his pockets. His mouth twisted at Danny's words, as though he were holding in a retort. "To talk," he said, quietly. He took a step forward, as though he were about to just walk in without invitation, but then stopped himself and tried to look contrite. "Can I come in?" he asked.

Danny thought seriously about saying no. The images from his dreams, still so clear in his mind, supported that answer but there was something in the man's expression that suggested a child fighting his guilt.

"Five minutes," said Danny, and stepped back to let Brendan through. The dark-haired man stepped carefully into the house.

"Looks different," he said, awkwardly.

"Since yesterday?" asked Danny, wondering if Brendan was secretly a hippy too, and about to say he could see the difference created by the drama in the aura of the place or something

"Since I lived here," Brendan clarified, "Chez liked it more... colourful."

Danny knew that the polite response would be to accept the comment. Or even express surprise or at least interest at it. Danny didn't want to be polite. "Small talk? Really?"

Brendan shrugged and sprawled on the sofa. Danny couldn't define what it was that made Brendan's pose a sprawl rather than just sitting. Maybe it was the sheer exhausted casualness of it. Here was a man without an iota of social awkwardness. He just didn't care what people thought. To Danny it showed the man's arrogance, strongly belying Ste's insistence that he was damaged and redeemable.

"It's paler now," Brendan said conversationally. "Didn't notice the other day. Only noticed Steven. He kind of does that to people." He smiled strangely. Danny didn't know what to say to the comment, so he raised his eyebrows as he did when the kids were off task at school.

It didn't seem to impress Brendan very much. The Irishman looked at Danny coolly until Danny had no choice but to look away. "Why are you here, Brendan? To gloat?"

"No," said Brendan.

"Yeah, right," said Danny. Of course the man was here to gloat. Why else would he be here?

"Steven..." Brendan started, but then cleared his throat and looked away. "Steven didn't sleep last night. He kept telling me he wasn't angry with me, but he didn't want me to touch him. That's not like him. Usually he's insatiable."

Danny blanched. Despite all his knowledge to the contrary, Danny liked to think of all his children as innocents. He definitely didn't need a mental image of his son with this man.

"Look, I overreacted," Brendan said, awkwardly, "I heard what McQueen said and I saw what I expected to see. It's my issue."

Danny genuinely considered demanding to know what he thought he saw, but he held back. He had already guessed what Brendan had suspected, and he already knew why. Asking now could only be about hurting the man, something he suddenly found almost impossible now the man was here.

Instead he said "Yesterday, Ste promised me you aren't violent any more. You showed me you are. Ste deserves better than abuse from you."

Brendan's lip seemed to twitch under his facial hair. "Yeah," he mumbled, "yeah, he deserves anythin' he wants." He wriggled his foot for a while, and Danny wondered if he was going to say anything else, or if Danny should just ask him to leave. It felt an age before the Irishman said, with a strange airiness to his voice, "You know, me and Steven broke up more often than we got together."

Danny frowned. That didn't make sense.

"Yeah," said Brendan, "we'd break up, and then, a few days or weeks or months later, we'd just be with each other again. Didn't matter who he pretended he wanted to be with. Doug was the longest, but even then, there was just … something, you know?"

"No," said Danny.

Brendan didn't seem deterred by Danny's unforgiving tone, "We'd just have to be in a room together, or see each other across the street, and we'd both just know."

"Know what?"

Brendan shrugged and fidgeted. "Like, with my kids, it wouldn't matter if they were here or on the other side of the world, if they killed someone, if they did something awful, they'd still be my kids, right?" He looked at Danny with enough intensity to bowl him over, "You're the same right? I can tell. The way you're so protective over him, even though you've only known him a few months."

Danny nodded. Steven was his son. Nothing could ever change that.

"Well, me and Steven, we're the same, you know? He'll always be Steven, and I'll always be Brendan." Brendan laughed a gulping laugh, "that doesn't make sense, does it? I mean it's love. Real love. We'll always just... love each other."

Danny wondered if Brendan had gone mad. None of that made any sense.

"It's as real as my love for my boys. I moved away from them to keep them safe, but they let me, because they think it's just because I'm a shit father. I try to stay away from Steven, he just comes to me. He believes in me, even after everything. You have no idea how that's changed me."

"But you hit him!" insisted Danny.

Brendan nodded. "Yeah. And once I moved country so he wouldn't have the temptation to come back to him. He just followed me." He wore a glassy expression for a number of seconds, then shook himself, as if he was trying to break free of some difficult memories.

Danny folded his arms "Do you think you will stop hurting him?"

Brendan's gaze didn't waver, "I don't know," he said. "That's why he needs you."

Danny bristled, "Ste's welcome whenever he wants!"

"And am I?" Asked Brendan in a voice that showed he knew the answer. Danny did too. The answer was no. He wanted this bully out of his house, he wanted him a million miles away from his family.

"If you make him chose, you will break his heart," said Brendan. "I'm pleased he had someone looking out for him while I couldn't, but I'd rather he'd never met you than have to see him hurting and not be able to fix it."

Danny felt another stab of anger "I'm his father! I didn't just look out for him!"

Brendan didn't flinch, "Steven and I didn't exactly have the best experience of fathers," he said, "but I hope you mean that."

Danny surveyed him, cautiously. "I don't trust you."

It was a fact and he aimed it to hurt. Brendan simply smiled.

"That's good, I don't trust you either."

…xxx…xxx…xxx…xxx…

His heart was pounding. He could hear it crashing in his ears, reverberating through his head. He could barely see through the tears polluting his eyes, as his shaking hands pulled his clothes on.

Brendan wasn't there. He'd gone, disappeared without a word, left Ste all alone in a blank hotel room. Once again, Brendan had given him a reminder of the perfection a life in his arms could be, then confiscated it all. He'd taken Ste to the precipice of the most beautiful mountain, then abandoned him to find his own way down a treacherous path, left him without a reason not to jump.

Behind him, the hotel room was a mess. He'd begun by searching for Brendan in a brainless way, under the covers, in the bath then in the cupboards and under the bed. He didn't want to admit the truth to himself at first, and had desperately scoured the room, as though kidding himself Brendan was playing some sadistic game of hide and seek. It had taken him ten minutes to accept Brendan had gone. The only proof he'd ever been there was a small back pack, a tracksuit and a handful of underwear. Brendan hadn't even bothered to pack properly before he'd run, escaped the crushing neediness of life with Ste.

If only Ste could find him, persuade him that last night wasn't how it would be. Ste wasn't weak or pathetic. He could show Brendan… what? That he wasn't needy? That wasn't going to be easy when every cell in his body quivered with the need to find him and hold him and never let him go.

He flew from the room, the poisonous, treacherous tears now pouring down his face in burning trails. Where would Brendan go? To Ireland? To try to find Cheryl? To try to convince the police he really had murdered his father? To find his children? Why wouldn't he tell Ste about any of those things? Unless he didn't want Ste to know, didn't want Ste to find him, didn't want Ste in his life anymore.

The thought made him stumble and sob in misery as powerful as that he'd felt when Brendan was shot. Hotel staff stopped and asked him if he was alright, if they could help, if he needed a doctor. He shrugged them all off, started to run again, escaped the hotel, and ran and ran.

It took him an age to get back to Danny's. He wasn't sure he wanted to be there. The 'I told you so's would be unbearable, the pity worse. He reached the stairs, the familiar stairs that had led to so many important places in his life; The Barnes' home, Tony's flat, and an unacceptably large number of his previous partners, not to mention two of the most significant men in Ste's life. He looked at them, and couldn't go a step further. He didn't even know if he was here for Danny, or if a part of him had forgotten the last year and he expected to find Cheryl's warm laugh and Brendan's uncompromising beauty at the top of them.

He fell back, away from the stairs, staggered. What was he thinking? What was he expecting? He couldn't just go back to pretending life without Brendan was possible. It wasn't. Life without Brendan was like swimming without water. There was no life without Brendan.

"Ste?" said a voice, "Ste, are you alright?"

Ste ran away from the voice. It wasn't one he cared about, he stumbled until he found himself leaning against the window of the shop.

"Er, what do you think you're doing?! You're scaring my customers away!"

Ste wanted to shout at that voice, but his anger was beyond words. He sprawled away once more, not even knowing where he was going.

It was his fault. He hadn't wanted sex last night. He'd been so cold, no wonder Brendan had thought they were over, that he didn't really love him anymore. If Brendan had treated him like that he'd… well, he'd feel something like this.

He hid his face in his hands, shut out the world. Why was he even doing this anymore? What was the point of going on?

"Steven?" shouted a voice.

He spun towards it, eyes now wide. Brendan was running towards him. It took him a matter of seconds to grab him, pull him towards himself, and wrap him in his arms. "What is it? What's happened?"

Ste buried his hands in Brendan's tracksuit. He didn't answer, he just clung on. He never wanted to feel that again, so he was never going to let go.

"Hey," said Brendan, "whatever it is, I'm here now. We can sort it!"

"Don't leave me!" Ste sobbed, "Promise me! I can't lose you again!"

Brendan pulled him closer. "I told you, I will never change the way I feel about you."

"That ain't a promise!" snapped Ste, "I know you, you'll get some stupid noble idea in your head and you'll bugger off! You've got to promise me you will never leave me!"

Brendan didn't loosen his grip, "I will never willingly leave you," he said.

Ste's head threw itself up. He had expected to be brushed off again, some promise that he wouldn't hurt him, or he'd do what was necessary to keep him safe. Some pretend promise that sounded like he was giving Ste what he wanted, but could actually leave at any time. But that sounded real. "D'you mean it?" Ste demanded.

Brendan's clear blue eyes looked at him seriously, "I won't lie to you anymore either," he said, "I have no secrets from you anymore."

"I won't lie to you either," said Ste, "I love you so much."

Brendan said "I know." Confidently.

"You know?" repeated Ste, furiously.

Brendan was smirking at him, "Not as much as I love you."

Ste stuck out his bottom lip, "That's better."

"That lip," said Brendan. "It looks edible." Brendan licked Ste's lip, then nibbled at it, and pulled it into his mouth. Ste turned it into a deep kiss. Brendan was here, Brendan was here, Brendan was here.

Brendan pulled away too soon. "Come on," he whispered gently into Ste's ear, taking his hand firmly. Ste looked at him quizzically, but he made no further comment, so Ste followed him. Brendan led him back across the street, and to the stairs that had halted Ste's progress before. With Brendan beside him, they didn't seem anywhere near as daunting, though Ste still hesitated. He didn't want to witness another argument.

At the top, Brendan knocked casually on the door. Danny opened it, looked at them both just enough to notice their joined hands, and then stepped back to let them both into the flat.

Ste glanced at Brendan. Did he dare hope what this could mean?

Brendan led him inside. Leela and Tegan were arguing in the kitchen. Perri was sprawled on the sofa with her phone stuck two inches from her eyeballs. Sam was holding and chattering away to baby Rose.

"What's going on?" said Ste.

"Breakfast," said Brendan, "come on."

He pulled Ste towards the table, and sat down with him. Behind them Danny cleared his throat and ordered everyone else to the table. Perri barely moved. Sam was singing 'Heads, shoulders, knees and toes,' all the way to the table, tapping the bits of Rose as she named them. Leela threw a plate of bacon onto the table.

"Tuck in!" she cried.

"Er, she didn't make it! I did!" interrupted Tegan, bringing a second plate, this one full of sausages.

"I did the beans!" snapped Leela, going back to fetch more food.

"Oh well done, you've learnt to use a microwave," teased Tegan.

Ste looked at Brendan again. "Seriously, what's going on?"

Brendan put a comforting hand on his knee. "I don't know what you mean," he said with a smirk. "Mmm, bacon." He picked up a rasher and put it all in his mouth.

Ste turned to look at his Dad. He was watching them, with obvious caution. "He cares about you," Brendan whispered in his ear, "I don't want to be the one that makes you unhappy, anymore."

Ste turned back to him, "I'm only ever happy when I'm with you," he told him with complete honesty.

"And if you could have both of us?" said Brendan, glancing up at Danny.

Ste didn't know what to say. If he could have everything the world must be about to end.

"It's not gonna be easy," said Brendan quietly, as the girls argued over whether you should be allowed ketchup or brown sauce with bacon. "We're different people, we ain't gonna be going for a friendly beer any time soon."

"But you won't fight?" Ste asked, terrified of a 'no' and terrified of a 'yes'.

"We'll try," said Brendan. "We've got one thing we both agree on."

"What's that?" asked Ste.

"That you're the most incredible man in the world," said Brendan. "We want you to be happy."

That was it. There was going to be an explosion or a fire or the apocalypse or something. A huge wave was going to cause devastation localised to the Chester area.

A tear dropped down Ste's face.

Brendan wiped it away and grinned at him. "Get a bit of sausage in ye," he growled.

The world didn't end over breakfast. Perri got ketchup on the table cloth, a nasty smell emanated from Rose's nappy. Tegan sulked that Leela had managed to burn baked beans in the microwave. Brendan ate everything he could reach, and Ste decided he didn't care if the world ended tomorrow. Today was the best anyone could ever dream.

**Sorry it was a tad cheesy at the end there! Reviews are always appreciated!**


End file.
